INTRAPERSONAL COMMUNICATION JOURNAL SAMPLE
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FORM I--Life Orientation Awareness
A 1) The nationalities of my ancestors are of four
countries-- English, German, Danish, and Welsh. Dad's side
was English and German. Mom's side was Danish and Welsh.
2) I keep my body in peak physical condition. I'm lean and
muscular. This helps me to feel confident and good about
myself. I carry myself well which I think influences how
others perceive me.
3) My voice is usually strong and elevated in decibels,
although not necessarily loud. I try to project and speak
clearly. I think when I'm excited my voice may be too loud.
Sometimes friends tell me I speak too loudly, especially on
the telephone.
4) All my close family members are or were Protestants.
My dad wasn't very religious and Mom was becoming more
religious up until her recent death. My sister doesn't
really practice religion. I consider myself more of a
spiritual person. Politically, we are all Republicans --
however, my father was the only family member heavily
involved in politics.
B 1) I have always lived in Scarborough, Maine.
2) I have attended three school systems--Waynflete school,
a private school (K-12); MMC surgical tech school; and the
University system (UMF, UMO, USM). Waynflete was small and
intimate. It felt like a big family. Tech school was
highly disciplined and stressful. The University system
campuses all differed due to size.
3) I have only been on a few major trips--3 times to
Florida, one time to California, 2 times to Hawaii, one time
to Guadaloupe, and then other New England trips, etc..
Hawaii and Guadaloupe were the most interesting. I found
the different cultures interesting.
4) Several people have had major influences on me--I
would say most notibly, my parents, a stepgrandfather, and a
relationship I was in. I learned both positive and negative
from them all. From my parents I learned organization,
honesty, perfectionism, and other good qualities. But I
also watched them abuse cigarettes and alcohol. I do just
the opposite. I don't touch either! The things I remember
most from my stepgranddad was "work before play" and "look
and listen, don't talk." The relationship I was in
unfortunately left me with a lot of negative feeling. I
learned about dishonesty, manipulation, control, distrust,
dependency, low self esteem. etc.. I have been a long time
in becoming open to relationships and trusting men, but I
have been working on myself correcting a lot of defects of
character and negative habits.
5) I don't listen to radio shows and watch very little
T.V.. If I do watch, it's usually an educational program,
news or a movie. I read a daily and weekly newspaper. I
read many magazines--Cosmo, U.S. News and World Report,
Smithsonian, etc.. I love to read books-- both fictional
and nonfictional. I guess I enjoy sagas, suspense, and
history.
6) Exercise, getting up early, organization. Too
compulsive obsessive.
7) Favorite relaxation--reading, walking beaches.
Hobbies-- reading, sports, theatre, animals.
8) Medical areas, Health, some sports, books.
C 1) Next five year goals--school completion and good job--
more self-reliant. Lifetime goals--job advancement,
finances for pleasure.
2) Achievement, satisfaction, advancement, fulfillment.
3) A good education that will help me get a good job. I
like the opportunities it provides, the challenges and
meeting people and learning. I don't like the pressure I
feel sometimes.
Sept. 4
Evening--I received a surprise phone call from a man I
just started dating. I felt surprised. He wanted to come
see me. I felt like I needed to go to bed early but I had a
strong desire to see him. I rushed home from a prior
commitment--I could feel anticipation. We decided to walk
on the beach. I was highly aware of my senses. It was warm
out, the stars were shining and the waves were crashing. I
love to walk the beach and I enjoy company so I felt
relaxed. We sat and talked. He asked me lots of questions
which were personal. I wondered how much to tell him. I
said what I felt like and didn't hold back. I anticipated
and made assumptions about reactions I may have gotten but
didn't. My answers were met with calm acceptance or further
probing. I felt safe sharing with him--I don't with most
men. When we were silent he was gazing at me for an
extended period. I am one to look and stare often but I
couldn't believe him. I actually felt a little
uncomfortable--once I probably would have thought I wasn't
worthy of being looked at that way. It also felt O.K. for
him to touch my body. I am cautious about that. He has
shown me that he's not just interested in me as a sexual
object.
Sept. 5
Evening--Met a man for a drink. I just met him several
days earlier. Driving to meet him I felt shameful in a way
because I've always dated one man at a time and I have seen
enough of xxxxxxx to feel funny about seeing other men. I
do know it's O.K. because no commitments have been made but
I shall feel like I'm deceiving. Through the entire evening
I was acutely aware of internal messages. I didn't like
several things about xxxxxx to begin with. He preened a
great deal --openly (fixing his hair looking in the mirror,
etc.). Then he launched into a conversation about past
relationships and getting hurt. Frankly, I' not interested
in that. I didn't care for his conversation or his
mannerism. Some things about him reminded me of someone-an
old beau that was a horrible relationship. I could actually
feel physical reactions. My body and mind were sending me
messages that he wasn't for me. I actually felt
contemptious toward him. Suddenly he seemed like an
immature 34 year old that was nervous and uncomfortable.
Since I saw similiar characteristics in him that hit nerves
(that I've experienced with other men) I began to be
comfortable, defensive, intellectual, and analytical. I
could see he was uncomfortable so I proceeded to confront
him about it. I actually get a peverse pleasure in it.
Maybe it's my ego wanted to be better than others. Part of
it though was practicing expressing my needs, wants, and
feelings--being honest. I think the whole thing scared him
off. He seemed like he couldn't wait to leave, etc.. I am
glad I am learniing to trust my gut reactions.
*****************
Sept. 14
Was in touch with lots of behavior I'm struggling to
change. My boyfriend called and wanted to come right over
to visit. I had made up my mind I didn't want him to come
until later but yet I said he could come a few hours
earlier. I felt anger at myself. Later in the day I was
thinking about new responsibilities I have and my mother's
recent death. Later in the evening I became very tired and
was acutely aware of tension in my head and forehead. I
kept rubbing my face to try and relax it. Then xxxxx and I
got into a discussion that I felt uncomfortable with. I
noticed all my bodily behaviors associated with that
feeling. I kept playing with my watch, avoiding his eye
contact (he kept telling me to look at him), changing body
postures and using a more closed posture. Actually I felt
better after I had shared some things though. When we
hugged I just wanted him to keep holding me because I felt
so tired, vulnerable, and in need of support; but it's very
difficult for me to ask for things. I don't want to show
anyone I'm feeling scared, vulnerable, or emotionally upset.
I do know I have to be more assertive in expressing my needs
for time and space though. When I do that I feel much
better.
Sept 15
I am acutely aware of feelings of doubt about a
relationship that I am in. I am enjoying it mostly but
realizing I need to assert my need for time and space. I'm
also aware of my feelings that relate to my reactions of
others in regards to this new relationship. I feel like my
sister doesn't approve. Part of me wants to rebel and
another part wants to agree with her. She's being
protective and is worried about my vulnerability now because
of my mother's death. I can feel myself getting compulsive
in behavior and obsessed in my mind. When I do this I know
I am upset about something. After seeing xxxxxxxx last
night I feel like I want to put a damper on things. Once a
relationship starts to get too close I want to exit. I feel
like I may have shared too much. I feel vulnerable and too
trusting. It's hard not to talk about emotions when they
are close to the surface. I don't want to get tied down
particularly, yet sometimes I crave a relationship. I can
always get real busy and push people out of my life.
Later I experienced fluctuating emotions. I noticed that I
was feeling emotional because I yelled at the day. After I
yellled I felt my teeth clamp down strongly.
*******************
Oct. 7
Studied for an exam today (Drama class). Got to class
and was told that we were going to see a movie instead of
having the exam. I felt incredibly angry--I was all psyched
for the exam and wanted to get it over with. I felt lots of
physiological reactions with that anger and frustration. It
took me a long time to calm down and focus on the film.
***************
Nov. 10
Today I experienced a lot of intra- and inter-
communication. I woke up early--6:30--and got up. I felt
extremely restless. Ate breakfast and walked about. Sat on
the bed but was unable to sit still. Wanted to go home--
xxxxxxx woke up and asked me what was wrong. I felt like
not talking. I guess I've felt like I've been sharing too
much of my stuff in the relationship lately. It has felt
unequal so the last couple of days I started to clam up.
Plus I feel like people get sick of hearing the same thing
over again. He kept trying to get me to talk. I sensed his
frustration. I just went home. Knew he was upset. I cried
on the way home--then I got angry at myself and said it was
time to shape up, not feel, and go home and be productive.
I studied a lot of the day. I found myself wanting to
isolate and shut people out. I was feeling extremely
depressed. When I feel this way I don't want people to know
or to see me. It makes me feel weak. I always feel like I
have to be perfect, strong and not show weakness. Anyway. a
lot of my good friends called and I ended up talking to
them. Later I felt real tired and slept. All day long I
was feeling anxious about the way I had treated xxxxxxxx. I
knew I had rejeccted him and probably hurt him at the same
time. When he called I apologized. I asked him if he would
come over so we could talk--it's hard for me to ask for
anyone's help. It was what I needed though. I talked and
cried for over an hour. I shared all my feelings about
living with a sick person for two years, watching pain and
suffering, feeling helpless about my mother, what kind of
person she was, and how I felt now in my grieving. I didn't
realize how overwhelming the experience had been and how I
needed to share it with someone--especially so he could
understand. Later we talked about some things in his life.
He shared more about himself. I felt good inside because I
felt as though it established a balance of sharing. He also
said some things that made me feel good--like that he had
told me things he hadn't told others and that he trusted me.
I think the entire evening brought us closer. Before I
went to bed I realized how much better I felt by purging all
those feelings. But I was also aware of the physical
symptoms. I felt exhausted, free of tension, had a lowgrade
headache and sore eyes. Emotions I find tire me out more
than physical activity. Had dreams about my father.
We were talking about going on a trip together to the
Carribean again. He talked in this dream where he hasn't in
more recent ones.
****************
Nov. 21
It's 6:25 A.M. and I'm sitting looking out at the ocean
and a beautiful sunrise. The sky is beautiful with shades
of soft pink, light blue and gray. I just want to say that
writing this journal has been a good experience. It's been
an outlet and a good source of introspection. If people are
honest, I've always thought that writing is a good tool to
learn more about your feelings, actions and behaviors. I
hope to do more writing in the future. You can always look
back on it, too.