Do Kids Need To Hear Bad News?

Every family must face bad news at one time or another. From economic issues to marriage problems, there are numerous negative issues that can affect a family and trouble our children. Often, a parent's natural reaction is to "protect" the children, especially younger ones, from such bad news. Unfortunately, the experts say keeping kids uninformed often does more harm than good.

One problem is that kids are usually more in tune with family life than parents realize. They may not know details, but are often aware when something unpleasant is happening to the family.
Mom or Dad may seem more upset, or tired, or be acting unusually. They may overhear bits of arguments, or realize a discussion stops when they enter the room. A child will sense a problem and without solid information will begin to fill in his or her own details.

The results can be disturbing for children. They may imagine the situation to be far worse than it really is. Or they may decide that they're the reason for the problem, feeling guilty because they're to blame. The result can be a stressed or depressed child, not knowing exactly what's wrong or how to fix it, but believing he or she is at fault.

No, we don't want to burden our children with all our problems, or all the sordid details of work, money or relationship issues. But it is important to keep the kids informed to an appropriate degree when events are impacting their lives.

A good starting point is letting children know, in an age appropriate manner, that there is a problem, but making clear it's not their fault. Just simply saying, "You may have noticed I've seemed a little angry lately, or more tired than usual, but it isn't your fault," can help reassure and open needed conversation.

Your children should know the adult world does have problems, but also that it's okay to ask questions when they sense something is wrong. Tell them that even Mom and Dad can need an extra hug at times. Such conversations will help your children feel included and less stressed.
Children who are appropriately informed are less likely to draw the wrong conclusions or blame themselves for the problem. Keeping them informed helps them develop a realistic view of the family and the world, a necessary ingredient for growing into healthy adults.

" The Counseling Corner" is provided as a public service by the American Counseling Association, the nation's largest organization of counseling professionals. Learn more about the counseling profession at the ACA web site, www.counseling.org.

Source: The American Counseling Association