Avoiding the Holiday Blues

By Charles G. Clabough, Ph.D.
Licensed Psychologist, CIGNA Behavioral Health EAP Manager

As the holiday season approaches, many people anticipate the upcoming events with a combination of excitement and dread. The excitement can result from the anticipation that the holidays bring - of giving that perfect gift, or of sharing the season with family members you don't get to see often. It can also center around memories of past holidays that seemed almost magical in their ability to transform everyday, mundane events into wonder and joy.

Sometimes people spend their adult lives trying to recreate this sense of wonder, only to fail. Others feel obligated to engage in certain rituals and activities that can present demands and stresses not present during other times of the year. Still others may feel alone or left out as everyone around them seems to be celebrating. So the holidays can become both a time to celebrate, and a time of added stress.

Here are some questions you may be asking yourself as the holidays approach. How do I handle the stress without succumbing to "the blues?" Is it normal to feel stress rather than the joy I think I should be feeling? Are there things I can do to minimize the stresses of the season? Fortunately, there are actions you can take that will influence your enjoyment of this time of year and minimize the stresses.

Control Your Attitude

Your thoughts are the most important tools you have in your battle against the blues. By keeping a positive, yet realistic outlook into your thinking, you can dramatically influence your feelings. Keeping a log of negative thoughts pertaining to the holidays, and writing a "corrective" statement next to them can effectively reorient your thinking. For instance, "I don't have enough time to prepare everything needed for the family gathering tonight and it will be a disaster," can be modified to, "I will do what I can do and let the rest go, as I'm sure they will appreciate being together." The latter statement is probably more accurate than the former, and it certainly feels better. Sometimes changing thinking patterns involves changing your expectations. You may need to lower your expectations, or simply accept the events as they are. Remember that it's not possible to recreate the past, and that there is no such thing as the "perfect holiday."

Acknowledge and Express Feelings Honestly

The holidays may remind you of losses in your life, such as a divorce, death, or separation. It is important that you allow yourself permission to feel what sadness you feel, while not dwelling on this sadness. If you tend to be alone, keep busy. Invite others to get together. By being proactive, you'll start to feel as though you have more control in your life, and this is a great way to combat "the blues." Find ways to help others. One of the most rewarding things you can do is to volunteer time to a charity so that you may experience the power of giving.

Develop Common Family Goals

Family traditions can add great joy to the season, but they can occasionally become too stressful or time-consuming. Reevaluate your traditions to make sure you're doing them because they meet your current needs, and not simply because they're something you've always been doing. Spend the time to develop common family goals. Reduce the amount of time spent with difficult family members, and remember that family problems don't disappear just because it is the holiday season. The holidays can be a good time to let go of past conflicts and learn to forgive.

Take Time to Nurture Yourself

The final thing to remember is to care for yourself. Find quiet moments to spend alone, take a walk or read a good book. Excessive drinking will not help matters, and might even create other problems. Moderation is the key with alcohol consumption, eating and spending. This moderation will also help you avoid the excessive commercialism of the season.

If you're feeling blue, give some of these self-help strategies a try. It's important to remember, however, that if your sad feelings last longer than a few weeks or are accompanied by changes in sleeping or eating patterns, it may be that you have a more serious condition such as depression. Depression should be evaluated and treated by a medical professional.